Step aside, Nostradamus. New York Times scribe Filip Bondy has some winking convictions about what will transpire in sports in this brave new year. In a new set of predictions, he offers, "Here's what we guarantee will happen, unless something else happens instead." Therein he often veers into the realm of tennis, touching on all four major events and, apropos of nothing, dropping in a couple statement about a soon-enough-to-return star.
Among Bondy's not-so-expected outcomes:
1
Written before the GOAT's quite-good showing at the Hopman Cup in Perth but after his previous match, a five-set loss to Milos Raonic at Wimbledon last year: "Roger Federer is still poetry in motion at Australian Open. Problem is, his poems fade in the fifth stanza." For Fed fans, that one elicits retroactive pangs.
2
"Serena Williams wins Wimbledon title, loses count of exactly how many that is. Sadly, Bud Collins is no longer around to tell her." A wistful reminder of Collins' passing in March 2016, and entirely believable that Serena will 1) win Wimbledon and 2) forget, or feign forgetting, how many Wimbledon titles and overall major crowns she has.
3
"Novak Djokovic, one point from title, retires during final to cede United States Open championship to Rafael Nadal. 'I just want to be loved,' Djokovic says. Fans still don’t cheer." A bit harsh, perhaps, and thoroughly implausible, sure—but is this a dig at the Djoker, at the US Open audience or both?
4
"Organizers begin dismantling roof over Ashe Stadium after another year without rain. Should be a little cheaper to take it down than it was to build it." This quip is mullet-styled: business up front, party in the back. And that back half certainly lends a good zing.
See the full story to discover what Bondy envisions for the likes of Maria Sharapova and the French Open.
Other, non-tennis elites get sent up as well, of course, including Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, Russian male golfers, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Carrie Underwood, Condoleezza Rice, Peyton Manning, Manchester United and more. Bondy saves his most cutting of lighthearted remarks for Tiger Woods.
If 10 percent of all this comes to pass, it will be a sign of some dark magic. Until then, enjoy the write-up's #SMH factor and a few chuckles.
Follow Jon on Twitter @jonscott9.