That day is not today.
So, anyway ... I wanted to tell you ... I have a new book out! You can buy it in stores. I know you can afford it, you Former No. 1 for "Just A Bit," you. Indeed, it turns out that my book, (Forehand) <em>Straight to the Heart</em>, has been translated. The word is out. A certain Italian journalist name of Enrico Maria Riva is putting my lovely, svelte words online. On the Twitter even!
It's some juicy juice, I can tell you that. People are lapping it up. Just like I used to lap you when we ran any sort of track conditioning. For one, I said Mary Pierce is "so muscular that she looks like Popeye." And I ascribed inanimate objects to players. Venus Williams is a "wall"; Lindsay Davenport, a "mountain." FYI, Jelena Jankovic is just disturbing. And Meghan Shaughnessy? "A running train." But frankly, she should be glad just to appear in my book. Everyone knows she's just the American version of me. (Just ask Maria Sharapova from September.)
To once more quote the great thinker, well, me: "The backcourt is the loneliest place on earth." Never forget, mi hombre. You will find me there.
Actually, no—you won't. Please find enclosed my holiday gift to you: not one lump of coal, but two. I think you get my metaphor.
Forever,
Flavia
p.s. Don't be mad. You know—or you should have—that we Italianas can be quite feisty. For instance, my 2012 doubles partner.
p.p.s. Bieber > Moya.
—Jonathan Scott (@jonscott9)
