Maria

Tennis Magazine's photo editor, David Rosenberg, was in Miami this week. Here's his account of trying to crash a player party on South Beach. (Hint: It's even less fun that it sounds.) I'll be back after this weekend. The tournament is on the Tennis Channel both days. Enjoy it if you've got it.

Steve,

If you think trying to get a ticket to Wimbledon is tricky, try going to a player party during a tournament without an invitation.

Last night’s Sony Ericsson Open first annual kickoff party was no exception. Held at a nightclub in Miami’s South Beach, all the players were to be there, with rumors that celebs such as Jamie Foxx and Naomi Campbell would be dropping by. No offense to the Gavin Rosdale and Shannon Elizabeths of the world, but A-list celebrities drop by tennis parties about as often as Roger Federer loses, so I figured I’d go. I didn’t have an invitation but grabbed a stack of business cards and figured I’d wing it at the door.

Years ago I went to a club in Manhattan the night of a very popular party that was known to have a strict door policy. When I pushed up to the velvet rope through an enormous crowd, I was told I could not come in. When I asked why, the guy at the door focused on my eyes, dragged them slowly down my body to my feet and back up again, pursed his lips tightly, cocked his head and held a Zoolander expression for what felt like a solid minute. As if on cue, he pivoted, threw back his shoulders and strutted away like a chicken. As I stood there trying to find an alternate meaning to what was an easily understood message, a popular drag queen arrived at the door. I actually knew her and when I mentioned what had happened, she grabbed the velvet rope herself, took my hand, whisked me into the club while looking at the doorman and stating, “Miss Thing is with me.”

Well, I don’t know any drag queens in South Beach and I doubt they would have been any help getting me through the doors last night, which were guarded by ubiquitous, clipboard-wielding PR girls. Meeting one, I scanned my brain for an ice-breaker. ‘Hi,” I blurted. The girl immediately stiffened, sensing that anyone so polite must be dangerous.

She scanned the list twice and informed me that I was certainly not on it. I flashed her my business card and she said, “Oh, no media allowed. Only IMG and one photographer from Ocean Drive.” I mumbled that I was hoping to do a little write up for the TENNIS Magazine website. “No media,” she repeated and paused before adding, “At least you know it isn’t about you.” I wasn’t quite sure how to take that.

I did the only thing I could and hung out by the red carpet with the photographers. Nicole Vaidisova was the first big player to arrive. She wore a nice black dress and seemed at ease in front of the carpet. No one arrived for quite a while after that. Suddenly, I heard some fans scream, “The Venus sisters are here!!”

Sure enough, I turned around to see Serena trying to enter the noodle restaurant next door. About 10 minutes later she and Venus (both in short dresses Venus with bangs, Serena with her hair pulled back) were corralled to the red carpet entrance with Andy Roddick and James Blake (typical attire: Blake with a blazer, Roddick with his shirt untucked and “messy” hair). A few recognizable models stood with them looking intentionally bored. The only one looking even less excited was Mary Joe Fernandez, who interviewed everyone as they arrived. Could Mary Joe become the Joan Rivers of tennis? Vince Spadea arrived and made weird facial expressions. One of my photographer friends said to me, “I’m not sure it’s worth wasting the flash for this.” I found this amusing because another girl behind me told her friend, “Don’t waste your batteries on him!”

I helped a couple of fans recognize and pronounce "Hantuchova" (whose hair has definitely taken a page from Farrah Fawcett) and Novak Djokovic, who posed with fellow Serb Jelena Jankovic (that’s how rumors get started, you two). Maria Sharapova showed up in her signature look: A colorful straight-jacket meets mini dress. The second she walked in front of the fuscia colored backdrop she turned it on, giving the photographers a bunch of different angles to shoot her. After about 10 minutes she announced, “That’s it. Thanks a lot!” and left. Poor Svetlana Kuznetsova, who seems to be making a real effort to create her own style these days but had to follow Hantuchova and Sharapova. Kuznetsova pretty much just walked straight in with no fuss (exactly what you don't want!). Even worse, Paul Goldstein was actually held to the side until the women had finished walking by. The guy at least won his match that day (the only reporter watching his match in the press box was from "The Jewish Journal."). Rafael Nadal arrived and I heard a fan scream, “He’s famous! He beat Federer!”

Dwyane Wade showed up, as did Shannon Elizabeth (she seems to be around tennis players a lot these days). Kim Clijsters chose to enter with the other people on the lists and avoided the photographers. No one made her walk in front of the photographers, probably out of fear she would decide to have her bridal shower instead of playing her first-round match.

And Jamie Foxx did make it. He walked from the vicinity of a yellow Ferrari into the same noodle restaurant Serena had snuck into before. No one noticed. I left before Naomi arrived. Next party I’ll bring my clipboard. They can't throw me out with one of those, can they?

David