Kiss Of Death

(Ed. note: Here's the latest update from TennisWorld's man in Shanghai, mechanical watch freak, vintage car rally enthusiast, and master of the forehand dropshot, Miguel Seabra - Pete)

Hi there. It’s late, and I see you’ve been handed some food for thought earlier in the day, So here’s something from Shanghai on the lighter side, which is appropriate, considering that I’ve got a heavy headache in the wake of several conversations I had today regarding tennis’ Machiavellian politics – this time, machinations revolving around the calendar changes that will take place in 2009.

For starters, though, a lot of TV producers and viewers were going crazy today, with the singles session starting a full 40 minutes later than scheduled  –  and all because of doubles!  The first doubles match of the day's two started at two in the afternoon, and the second didn't end until after 7:30 P.M. They were both long three-setters, played without the “Supertiebreaker” that the ATP has used this year instead of a third set.

Although fans were taught about the new doubles rules throughout the year, the new, invigorating rules were not used at these year-end championships. Seems like Etienne de Villiers promised the doubles players – those sons of a lesser tennis god – they would play the Masters Cup the old-school  way.

How’s that for a paradox?

While we were waiting for the singles to start, Ivan Ljubicic came to the press room to have a chat with the numerous Croatian tennis journalists that made the long trip – headed by veteran press pariah Neven Berticevic. Ljubo’s the only player here in Shanghai who willingly drops by the media hall and sits down with a bunch of journos, as if it were the norm.

Ivan had a big scare several weeks ago, fearing seriously for his health and for his career. His was laid low by a virus, had blood deficiencies, and  felt no energy – it was payback, perhaps, for the highly successful and financially rewarding 24-month run. He ended up  in bed for more than 15 days just weeks ago, couldn’t defend all those points at Madrid and Bercy, and worst of all, his body wasn’t recovering. He improved enough to make the trip to Shanghai, and clearly attempted energy management in his first match (vs. Andy Roddick).

Then, his health improved, and he felt more comfortable on court in his three-set win over David Nalbandian. So, Ljubicic’s smart remark to his countrymen (with James Blake already through the other group) was: “Why isn’t it possible to qualify three guys from our group to the semifinals?” Good question, no?

Well, to make the semis, Ljubicic has to beat Federer in two sets, or survive him in three and then wait to see how the other match in the group plays out. Then again, he could  lose to Federer and hope that Nalbandian beats Roddick in three sets – then,  the three-way between Ljubicic, Nalbandian and Roddick would be decided on percentage of games won!

Confused? Start getting used to the round-robin system.

Anyway, Ljubicic needs to beat Federer. And that’s the hard part. At the round table press event preceding the tournament, Ivan  was seating with Nikolay Davydenko when a Chinese reporter asked the Russian player how The Mighty Fed can be beaten.  Kolya, who’s beginning to feel comfortable in the skin of a Top 10 (actually, he’s No. 3!) showed some spirit as he answered “I’d get a beer before going on court.”

Without missing a beat, Ljubicic chimed in: “I’d get two”.

The beer wisecracks were taken out of context and blown way out proportion in the Chinese media, and that left Ivan the Sensible a tad upset.

So what is the secret to beating  Federer, especially if you’ve witnessed his Houdinesque escape in the match against Roddick?

Well, there was a media junket to a temple here in Shanghai. . After it, I wound up having lunch with some Swiss journalists, including Roger Jaunin and René Stauffer. The way the conversation evolved, we hit on a solution: give him a taste of, er, Kryptonite. . . Say, have him date Martina Hingis!

Roger himself has said that he’s ecstatic over her return to the game. Maybe he fancies her. But just check out how the Slovakian-born Hingisova (yep, that’s her real name) got her reputation as the Kiss of Death:

Ok, maybe it’s not that funny. But Mirka - don’t let her jinx your Golden Boy!

Something that’s really funny but quite embarrassing is the way the Chinese media handles itself in pressers. They take pictures with cell phones, ask for autographs, and ask questions like this one, to Rafael Nadal:

Q: I was talking with my friends about your perfect muscles. Has anyone told you that you have muscles that look like popcorn?

A: ?????? Si, okay. What answer you want? I fell normal like always, I don’t like to look in the mirror.

Or, to Nalbandian:

Q: We give nickname to Federer. We call him as the eagle’s eagle. You are the first one to be glad to be beaten by him. How do you feel?

A: ?????? I lose, so that’s more important thing.

To Roddick:

Q: So, you lost, your serve & volley tactic didn’t work.

A: ?????? I put myself in the position one point away, and you’re saying my serve-and-volley strategy didn’t work? I suggest you learn something about tennis before you comment on it”

To Nadal:

Q: You only won the first set in a tie-break. Do you think it’s becoming easier to beat you?

A: ?????? Something in Spanish?

Etc., etc., etc.

It sounds hilarious, but it isn’t – not to the players. Actually, I don’t mind those questions. They’re pure, naïve – and they elicit some interesting, spontaneous reactions. Sometimes,  the answers aren’t very good, or helpful. Makes me wish they, knowing better, would take the high road, give some gentle advice or pedagogical answer instead of getting prickly or flustered.

- Miguel Seabra, in Shanghai.

The fact that all the duels in the Red Group have been decided in three-setters, combined with the scheduling, creates some bizarre scenarios. Among them: Federer can win two matches and David Nalbandian lose two matches, and in some scenarios Federer could be out of the semifinals, with Nalbandian slipping in. Irony, anyone?