Howdy, Tribe. It's a somber, rainy day in game-rich Andes: Luke is torturing Biscuit, as usual. This morning, he dragged the orange mouse-and-chipmunk Terminator to the train set and rassled him to the ground with the command: "Biscuit, you are not allowed to play with the trains because you don't have hands. You can only watch." Biscuit, of course, was fine with this. When he isn't hunting, he doesn't much care what's going on - It's all good, dude!
I’ve been looking at the draws, and I’m somewhat surprised at the lack of really juicy first-round pairings. Out of the 64 singles matches in either draw, fully 27 of the men’s matches are between guys who have never played before; the women will stage even more clashes in unfamiliar territory: 31. After scrolling through the draws and arriving at the end, I asked myself, “Are all the top players really in this thing?” That’s not a slight, just a comment on the amount of filler in a Grand Slam, 128-draw. Some connoisseurs of the far galaxy inhabited by some of these players may have something to say about that; I’d be curious to hear it. Are Alun “the Typo” Jones, Go Soeda, Stephanie Foretz or Romina Oprandi poised to make the Big Breakthrough?
Curiously, though, Roger Federer has a first-round grapple with a guy he’s never beaten (okay, they’ve played just once, and that was in the previous Century – 1999) Bjorn Phau. I’m trying hard to come up with some reason to hype this match, but I can’t. Here, though, are some of the first round pairings that caught my eye:
This Could be Better than it Looks: Filippo Volandri vs. Richard Gasquet. Volandri is 1-0 (he won their previous meeting, on clay, in three sets), Gasquet is closely watched and may be feeling a little pressure, which I get the feeling he doesn’t especially like.
For American - er, Gringo - Eyes Only – Sam Querrey vs. Jose Acasuso. This is a tough test for the U.S.’s best young prospect, but what the hail, he gets to measure himself a against a very talented and skilled player who isn’t the best of competitors – in other words, he’s pretty representative of the guys Sam will have to beat consistently in order to eventually crack the Top 10.
Best Match to Watch While Lounging with a Buddy, Talking and Drinking Beer – Chris Guccione, the Aussie giant, vs. Olivier Rochus, the only person from Belgium who may be tinier than Justine Henin-Hardenne. This has appealing David vs. Goliath overtones, especially because Olivier has a Justine-esque appetite for hand-to-hand combat . It should be fun. The reward for Rochus, if he wins, is a potential second-rounder against his brother Cristophe, which would figure as the second round’s Best Match to Watch While. . .
Match Most Likely to Generate Bad-Pun Headlines -- Ivan Ljubicic won his only previous match, a Davis Cup throwdown on carpet, against Mardy Fish of the U.S. Fish is still coming back from injury. His game goes against the all-court baseline grain, but Ljubicic is one of the players least likely to be troubled by that, even if the courts are faster than last year. I’m hoping for a huge officiating controversy, just so I can wake up to: Ivan Hooks Fish.
Hmmmm. . . – What are the odds that Rafael Nadal, the No. 2 seed, would meet Robert Kendrick of the U.S.in two of three consecutive Grand Slams? I don’t know, but I like the way Kendrick went after Nadal at Wimbledon. I have no illusions about the challenge Kendrick is facing, but I’m very eager to see how a comparable, attacking game plan (if that’s what he pursues) plays out on the hard courts of Melbourne.
Get the Hook!– No, this is not another Mardy Fish item. I have two reasons for hoping Paul Goldstein upends Jarkko Nieminen, one of which may even be legitimate. The other, mean one is that Nieminen’s herky-jerky game repulses me, although I’d love the guy if he were, oh, my bail bondsman or something – anything that keeps him far from tennis racquets.
The other reason is that I’m a big Goldstein fan. He’s the definitive journeyman, and he couldn’t care less what anyone, including all those eager-beaver feature writers (I’ve got a great idea: How about a feature on a struggling journeyman!), think about that. Goldstein loves playing the game, he’s a thoughtful, intelligent guy, and he probably stands no more chance than a blind-folded hog at a Texas barbecue. But I’ll say it anyway: Go Goldstein!
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Stud Muffin vs. Chick Magnet– There will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth after this one (partly to make up for all the drooling and fantasizing during it), and despite the obvious Chicas Gone Wild appeal, it also happens to be the most richly textured of the first-round encounters. For one thing, there’s a history here: Moya leads the head-to-head, 5-3. But then, Blake won the last two meetings. Then again, Blake has positioned himself as a Grand Slam contender for 2007, and he needs to wipe away charges that he’s a Big Stage under-performer. And whether you’re the resurgent Moya, the tattooed, sleeveless-shirt wearing Steven Sega look-alike, or still-rising Blake, the old-school sentimentalist who favors the Slick Watts bald-plus-headband look, you could be looking at a replay of the 2005 clash in Miami, which ended with Moya scraping by, 7-6 in the third.
Caution: For Aficionados Only - Something tells me the Andy Murray vs. Alberto Martin match is going the distance.
Okay, then, Federer is the favorite by a country mile. Let’s make this a little more interesting by putting the question this way:
Who’s most likely to win, if it isn’t TMF?- Andy Roddick (and yes, I wrote that before the Kooyong final; I just saw it in an email from Steggy).
Longshot pick for the title – Tommy Haas
First-round upset special – Hyung -Taik Lee over Tomas Berdych.
And now, the women:
Amelie Mauresmo is seeded No. 2, behind Maria Sharapova, but in my eyes the defending champ is the favorite, although her continuing struggle with consistency is a genuine issue. In keeping with the “filler” theme, I found few first round clashes that elevated me out of the “mild curiosity” zone.
Best first-round match for China Watchers – Tennis Australia never wants us to forget that this is The Grand Slam of the Pacific and Asia, even though that grand self-appraisal sounds more like the name of a railway line than a a tennis tournament. Still, with the Olympics in Beijing just around the corner, the Chinese players will be eager to impress, and the most impressive among them, Li Na, starts her tournament against a seasoned veteran who beat her in the only match they’ve played, Elena Bovina.
Match Most Likely to Feed Your Worst Fears About American Tennis - Vania King (oh, why couldn’t her first name be Billie!) meets Ana Ivanovic, who probably has a little too much firepower for Vania. But Vania has been developing nicely, and she could make a statement here.
Best Match for Watching a Seed, Twisting in the Wind – Tamarine Tanasugarn has Nadia Petrova in the first round, and while Tanasurgarn isn’t Chinese, she just may want to send a message: Hey, Nadia, whatcha think Thailand* is,chopped liver?*
Match Most Likely to be Watched By the Fewest Spectators – Marta Domachowska vs. Olga Poutchkova . Alright, ‘fess up. You don’t care either.
Match Most Likely to Turn into a Train Wreck – Serena Williams goes up against Mara Santangelo, over whom she has a win in their only previous match. Still, it went three sets, at Wimbledon in 2005 - in other words, on Serena’s best surface, at a time when she still appeared to care. BTW, apparently, there’s no truth to the rumor that Serena has parted ways with Nike and will appear in an all silver outfit by Goodyear.
Match Most Likely to Produce a Fist Fight Between Paparazzi and Boys on Beer – Jill Craybas meets Nicole Vaidisova, who appears ready to both break out and pop out. Craybas won their only previous encounter, on hard courts, in 2004. Vaidisova was a huge disappointment after her great run at Roland Garros last June, but with that low-cut dress she’s dressed to impress.
Most Likely Winner - Despite Mauresmo being the favorite and having the best game, Sharapova’s toughness will carry her to the title.
Longshot Pick for the Title – Li Na. And, no, I’m not kidding.
First-round upset special – Alesandra Wozniak (Isn’t there some official spelling for the name, Alexandra? Sheesh!) over Jelena Jankovic. I only say this because Jankovic is apparently possessed by demons. And since when are demons predictable?